Jennings: Putting the image of men in Jeopardy
now and then someone comes along who is an affront to
everything that man has stood for since the beginning
of modern civilization.
And the question is: What's the deal with Ken Jennings?
The male population has mostly been minding its own business
for the past few months since Mr. Jennings began his record
38 game winning streak on TV game show Jeopardy, which
he tries to extend after Labor Day. Men are usually found
deep in thought on the couch, deeply pondering the unlimited
possibilities for our future – such as the possibility
of getting another beer. But now we find that the bar
has been raised, thanks to Ken.
Ken Jennings is a thirty year old software engineer from
Utah who has demolished all of the records set by previous
Jeopardy champions. His hobbies are hiking, painting,
and memorizing the thirty volume set of the Encyclopedia
Brittanica and the entire Internet.
But Mr. Jennings still has one problem that is beyond
even his control. Underneath of all his years of accumulated
knowledge, Jennings is still a guy.
He most likely had similar experiences in meeting his
wife as other guys have had, such as remembering to call
back within a month after the first date. Because of Jennings'
natural male habits, chances are his wife was so supportive
of his efforts when he left for the Jeopardy tapings that
she offered such reassuring words as "You're not
actually planning to wear THAT to the show, are you?"
Because of guys' dressing habits and numerous other household
chores (which we swear we'll take care of right after
the game) it's gotten to the point where all women need
guys for anymore is procreation of the species and occasional
heavy lifting during redecorating phases.
It's not that guys don't respect the intelligence and
ability of a man like Jennings. But knowing the middle
name of all the presidents won't do him the least bit
of good when the wife tells him that her mother is coming
to visit for the weekend.
And with this amount of knowledge being shown by one man,
women may begin to expect the rest of us to finally remember
a few little things for a change, like her birthday and
how many children you both have.
This sensitivity issue is likely to come up because writing
is another one of Ken Jennings' hobbies. Many writers
are found to be at their most sensitive and inspired during
the AM hours. The average guy finds himself to be at his
most sensitive during the PMS hours, where one wrong move
will allow him to be hit in the face by an Amana Radar
And being a guy, at some time Jennings probably called
home to his wife from California with the announcement
that he had only packed enough suits for a few days of
show tapings, in the hope that the Magical Laundry Room
Gnomes could Fed-Ex him more.
So far Jennings has been "right" with his Jeopardy
responses over one thousand times. Since he is a card
carrying member of guys, this is probably about 999 more
times than he has been right in encounters with his wife,
allowing that we discount the correct answer, "I
I also don't want anyone to think that guys are jealous
of Ken Jennings. We feel that he represents the intellectual
capacity of the male population in quite an accurate manner,
and we would have been more than happy to set records
on Jeopardy ourselves, if only the program had offered
categories such as "Scratching In Front Of The In-Laws:
Yes or No?" or "Famous Songs Played From Armpit
can you imagine how the next champion will feel who follows
Jennings on the program, assuming there is another champion
before Jeopardy is canceled or Alex Trebek finally gets
on Ken's nerves? Jennings should be a pretty easy act
to follow, huh? Anything less than a two-week championship
will have as good a chance at being successful as an in-depth
interview with Jessica Simpson on Meet The Press.
guys need to see on Jeopardy is a two-week run of single
day male winners, in order to return the level of male
incompetence to a tolerable level. Women contestants don't
need to win fifty days in a row because guys have learned
that when they think they have all the answers, women
will require that they rephrase those answers into the
form of questions, often begging ones.
the answer will still be no, even to Ken Jennings.
in all likelihood, the only person who can defeat Mr.
Jennings on Jeopardy at this point would be Mrs. Jennings
herself. That's because Mrs. Jennings would be able to
come up with that one single question in the universe
to which even a brilliant mind like Ken Jennings would
be unable to respond.
this outfit make me look fat?"
Holt is a guest writer for 2 Walls Webzine)